


I Know What It Means to Me

by mistresscurvy



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: AU, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-14
Updated: 2012-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 03:45:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/339537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistresscurvy/pseuds/mistresscurvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard didn't go to his single parents support group expecting to find love, but it found him there when Frank showed up one week. A single dads AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Know What It Means to Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleMousling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMousling/gifts).



> Written for no_tags 2012 for the prompt "Frank/Gerard, dad bonding". Thank you to isweedan and mrsronweasley, my fabulous betas. <3

"All I really want is for it to be someone else's turn to change the diapers," Mandy finished. "The rest of it I can handle most of the time, but I have dealt with more than my fair share of them."

Gerard nodded sympathetically. The day Julian had been officially potty-trained, he had felt like throwing a party.

It was the third Thursday of the month, which meant that Gerard was in the basement of the downtown community center at the bi-weekly Single Parents Support Group. He had been coming twice a month for almost four years now, ever since Mikey had determined that if Gerard didn't have to leave the house at least once every two weeks, he wouldn't shower at all.

Gerard felt that Mikey didn't give him enough credit for at least bathing Julian every day, but Mikey hadn't seemed impressed. And Gerard had to admit that parenthood had completely destroyed his already below-average ability to notice when a room went from having a mildly unpleasant scent to being outright rancid. 

He'd been surprised to discover that the experience of talking with other single parents was helpful beyond the enforced interaction with actual adults. There was a sense of camaraderie present that he'd rarely experienced before, along with the not particularly noble but undeniable sense of relief whenever someone else was having a worse time than he'd thankfully had to deal with. Teething was a universal evil, but he'd dodged the colic bullet.

The newest addition to their group hadn't been so lucky. "She's the happiest fucking baby in the world for sixteen hours a day, and then from eight until four in the morning she's so upset it makes me want to kill someone just to make it stop." 

Some members of the circle looked slightly taken aback at such strong language, but Gerard understood. "There's nothing worse than a small child who can't tell you what's wrong," he said.

Lauren, who had three kids under the age of six and an ex-husband who'd fucked off with her best friend nine months earlier, nodded. "I would sell out my own mother if it meant my child would stop crying for three hours straight. Between hormones and lack of sleep, there is nothing like a parent when it comes to making deals with the devil."

"Pacifiers became popular for a reason," Amy added, and half the group murmured under their breath while the other half rolled their eyes at that. "I know they get a bad rap, but sometimes babies just need the comfort!" 

Gerard settled himself in for the long debate that was waiting to erupt at the seemingly innocuous words. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned to one side towards the father of the colicky baby. "This should be fun."

"I didn't bring popcorn." The new dad dragged his chair a little closer to Gerard's. "How long do you think this'll go?"

Gerard shrugged. "If it doesn't get taken over by a breastfeeding tangent, not too long. If it does, though, all bets are off." He pulled his hand out from where it had been tucked up under his arm and held it out. "I'm Gerard, by the way."

"Frank." When he pulled his hand away, Gerard could see that there were tattoos on Frank's knuckles and covering the skin of his wrists that wasn't covered by the sweater Frank was wearing. Gerard had never seen anyone who looked as good as Frank at one of these meetings before. Before he had a chance to ask Frank about his tattoos or anything else, Lauren's voice cut through the din. 

"I want to give our new parents an opportunity to introduce themselves and tell us a little something about their families. Why don't we start with you." She smiled at Frank, and Gerard shifted over a little so that he could see Frank better as he looked out at the circle of parents.

Frank put his hand up and gave a little wave. "So uh, I'm Frank. I live here in town, and three months ago I brought home my little girl, Ellie. Her full name is Helen, but she's definitely an Ellie," he said, hands clasped over his lap as he leaned forward a little. "I adopted her on my own, but I've got a ton of help from my mom, and my dad and stepmom down near Philly, and yeah." He shrugged, eyes tired but bright. "That's pretty much it."

"So you planned to be a single parent?" It was one of the women whose name Gerard could never remember, long past the point when he could just ask her again. 

Frank nodded. "I knew I'd have to adopt eventually, since I'm gay, and so I figured I should get started, single or not." The word 'gay' was said casually, but Gerard saw how his gaze flicked back and forth among the members of the circle, checking out the potential reactions to the word. 

"Well, welcome," Gerard said, not waiting for any other response to potentially cut in. Luckily his worry seemed to be unfounded when the rest of the room echoed in kind, and he relaxed a little again. 

//

After the meeting concluded, Gerard made a hasty beeline for the back exit, ducking into the little alley between the center and the parking garage next door. He lit up a cigarette, breathing deep and savoring his final moments of alone time before he headed back to his house. When he heard someone coming up from behind him, Gerard whirled around, holding his cigarette behind his back like he was thirteen again and somehow his mom just wouldn't notice the plume of smoke floating up behind his head.

Frank looked equally knowing. "Hiding out?"

Gerard coughed, trying to come up with a good way of answering that, and finally he shrugged. "Pretty much. Smoking's not exactly judged favorably by most modern parents. But I don't smoke in my house or around my son, and I've been cutting back. Slowly," he amended. 

Frank held up his hands. "Hey, I smoked for fifteen years, you don't have to explain it to me. I only quit a year and a half ago, because I was already pushing it with the gay thing and the single parent thing, but if I was a single gay smoker, I wouldn't have made it past the first home inspection."

Taking a quick drag, Gerard nodded. "Any little thing, right? Anyone can become a parent in the stupidest way possible, but if you want a kid no one else wants, suddenly you need to be perfect," he said, flapping his hands around in outrage. He watched Frank's eyes trace the pattern of the cherry moving through the air and suddenly felt guilty about rubbing it in Frank's face. Putting it out only seemed polite.

Frank made a small noise when Gerard ground the half-smoked cigarette under the heel of his boot. "You didn't have to do that," he said, and when Gerard gave him a look meaning _well I did, okay,_ Frank shrugged and smiled a little in response. "So uh, what's your story? I mean—"

"—Why am I a single parent?" Gerard finished for him. "I'm one of those stupid people I mentioned. A one night stand that I barely remembered, until eight months later when I got a call telling me that my son was going to be given up for adoption."

"Wow," Frank said softly.

Gerard nodded, scuffing his toe against the pavement. "And that was the right choice for Julian's mom, absolutely, and I don't hold it against her at all, but after I hung up the phone I just couldn't stop thinking about my kid being out there in the world. And so I called her back three days later and told her I wanted him, and that she could be involved with him as little or as much as she wanted, but since she had chosen to tell me at all, I got to make this choice. And so I did," he finished. Those days had been one big blur of emotion, fear and joy and anger and borderline hysteria all mixed together, but underneath it all had been the constant feeling of anticipation, of excitement in his belly when he thought of himself as a father.

Frank's voice brought him back to the present. "So is she around at all?"

Gerard shrugged. "She moved back to Austin where she's from, and she calls sometimes, and sends some pictures, but for the most part, it's just me. Well, and my brother and his wife, and my parents, but at the end of the day—"

"—It's on you," Frank said knowingly. 

Nodding, Gerard asked the question he'd been wondering since Frank had introduced himself inside. "So, single gay adoptive father, huh? There are a couple of single moms in there who adopted or used a sperm donor, but you're the first dad like that I've come across."

"I'm a trailblazer," Frank deadpanned, and Gerard smiled at the comment but kept his eyes steady on Frank's face. 

When Frank didn't seem inclined to offer up anything more, Gerard tried one more tactic. "So, no relationship?"

He had never claimed to be subtle.

Frank snorted at the question. "Plenty of relationships, just never one with a guy I'd actually want to raise a family with. And after a certain point, it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to wait until I found the perfect guy to settle down with, or some bullshit like that. I mean, trust me, if I need to get laid, I'll go get laid." A yawn split open Frank's face. "Hard to really imagine having the energy again, but I've been reassured that I should be all set in like fifteen years."

Gerard grinned, trying to recall the last time he had sex with someone other than himself. "That sounds about right. Still, taking on a kid by yourself is no joke."

"It was worth it to not risk being sixty-five when my first kid graduates from high school. I wanted to have kids young enough so that I can enjoy my grandkids in my old age. I need to be able to keep up."

Gerard snorted. "Maybe wait until Ellie's in Kindergarten before you start planning out her life for her."

"Where's the fun in that? Whole point of having kids is so they can fulfill all your abandoned dreams for you," Frank said, grinning back at Gerard. "Or at least that's what my mom keeps telling me." 

Gerard thought about Julian, how even at the age of four ( _and a half,_ Julian's voice added in his head) it was completely impossible that anyone, even Gerard, would be able to tell him how to live his life. He was about to say something to that effect when Frank continued on. 

"I knew what I was getting into, though, or at least I thought I did. I can't imagine what it would be like to deal with suddenly having a kid you hadn't planned for."

"Hey." Gerard could hear that his voice was too sharp, knew that he was overreacting a little, but—"Julian wouldn't be with me if I didn't fucking want him more than anything else in the world."

Frank's eyes flicked up to his at the tone in his voice, the contrition obvious on his face. "No, I didn't—"

"I just did in a month what some people do in a year or two. That's all," Gerard continued, aware that he was having an argument with the same straw man he always did. One of these days he was going to learn that he didn't actually need to convince the world that he was fit to be a father, but apparently that wouldn't be tonight. 

Frank rubbed his hand over the top of his head. "Fuck, I'm an asshole," he said, and Gerard's shoulders loosened a little at the words. "Someday I'm going to think through stupid comments before I actually say them out loud," Frank continued.

"No, I overreacted," Gerard said, feeling guilty already.

Frank shook his head firmly. "I'd fucking kick someone in the balls if he tried to say I shouldn't have wanted Ellie. I'm just so tired I barely even know if I'm speaking English these days."

Gerard remembered those days. He was glad to be past them, most of the time. "I was so fucking lucky, Julian started sleeping through the night at six weeks," Gerard said apologetically.

Frank groaned and rubbed the heels of his hands over his eyes. "You're just trying to get back at me now."

Gerard grinned. "Is it working?"

"Fuck you, yes it's working. The only full night's sleep I've had since I brought home Ellie home has been when my mom's stayed over, and I still wake up every three hours anyway."

"You'll get over that," Gerard told him. The moment of tension was finally dissipating, Gerard's instinctive desire to help out a new dad who was clearly a little overwhelmed taking over. "But I hear you, for the first two weeks I would stand over Julian's crib for like two hours every night and watch his chest move while he was sleeping. I'm not even sure what I thought I would have done if he actually had stopped breathing, aside from have a panic attack."

Frank shook his head. "Nah, I don't buy it. You might have needed to be sedated afterwards, but you'd've gotten him to the hospital." He smiled softly at Gerard. "He's your kid."

Gerard couldn't argue with that. His hands itched for another cigarette, but he cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest instead. "So I should get back and rescue my brother from babysitting duty, but do you think you'll be back? It's a good group, even if it does make you want to hunt down all the deadbeat dads in Jersey and punch them in the face."

It was a little ridiculous how happy it made him when Frank smiled up at him. "I'm gonna stick around."

Gerard smiled back. 

//

When Gerard arrived home that night, Mikey was camped out on the couch watching an old episode of Cupcake Wars, a dirty plate on the coffee table in front of him. "Everything go okay?"

Mikey nodded without looking away from the screen. "Yup. Three stories and he was down for the count."

It was tempting to take the statement at face value, but Gerard still needed to double-check. "He hasn't been down since you closed his door?"

Mikey finally tore his gaze away from the show. "Nope. All quiet on the Western front."

Gerard collapsed down onto the couch and sighed loudly. "How come he doesn't ever put up a fight with you, but I end up dealing with a million requests for water and new socks or to take socks _off_ or a new blanket that doesn't remind him of a story he heard three weeks ago?"

"Because he knows you're a pushover and that he won't get anywhere with me," Mikey said. He patted Gerard on the knee. "Kids are supposed to walk all over their parents, Gee. It's how you know they care."

Gerard harrumphed and folded his arms over his chest, slouching down further in his seat. "It's still not fair."

"I'll be sure to the let the union know," Mikey said. 

"We really should have a union, kids are tyrants."

"Only problem is that striking would get you a visit from CPS," Mikey said.

Gerard frowned. There were some wrinkles to this plan, but he still thought it had promise. 

//

The next time Gerard was having a smoke out back after a meeting he didn't bother trying to hide his cigarette. "Hey Frank."

Frank smiled at him when Gerard took another drag. He'd been able to get it down to fewer than five cigarettes a day without too much trouble, but he was pretty stuck at this current level. "Not going to pretend you aren't out here smoking this time?"

Gerard shook his head. "I'm going to own it now." He ignored Frank's pointed look at the dumpster he was enjoying his smoke next to. Or possibly hiding behind. It was time to go on the offensive. "How's the colic going?"

Frank sighed deeply. "It's getting a bit better, I think? I switched to a new formula, organic and supposedly easier to digest, but it's hard, man. All the books are like 'breast-feeding is the best way to reduce colic,' and I would if I could, but I'm pretty sure we'd both just end up crying."

"I read an article about a single dad who tried that, actually," Gerard said. 

Frank grabbed both of his pecs with his hands protectively. "I love my daughter, but _no._ "

Laughing, Gerard flicked his butt over to the brick wall. "Wasn't a suggestion, just an offer of proof that there's always someone crazier out there." 

Frank shuddered and shook his head. "She started on the new stuff a couple of days ago, and I think she's doing better on it, but that may just be me hoping that she is, or maybe she's just growing out of it in general. I don't know."

"Parenting is just throwing stuff against the wall and seeing what sticks," Gerard said. "You never know what's going to work, and just because something worked for their kid doesn't mean it's right for yours. You know her best. You gotta trust that."

"I'd better know her best, I'm with her practically every hour of every day," Frank said, leaning up against the wall, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans. .

"You on paternity leave?" Gerard asked.

Frank shook his head. "Not exactly. I'm a photographer, have my own studio in my house, and I also do photo restoration for people who have old family photos that they want to sharpen up or convert to digital or just archive before they fall apart from exposure. I haven't been doing any new shoots since Ellie was born, but I've got a bunch of restoration projects that I'm doing while she's asleep. Only problem is I'm not sure when I'm supposed to sleep at this point."

"Sleep, work, or your baby: pick two," Gerard joked.

The exhaustion was still present on Frank's face even when he smiled, but it sort of blended into the rest of him. "Exactly. For the first two months it was sleep and baby, and I want to work more, but man."

"Well, if you want a good day care recommendation, the place where Julian went before he started pre-school was excellent. It's not too far from here, actually."

"Thanks, man. Let me give you my email, if you just tell me about it I'll never remember the name. I'm probably going to forget even having this conversation in about an hour," Frank said, pulling a small notebook out of his back pocket and scribbling something down. He ripped out the page and handed it to Gerard. 

Glancing down at it for a moment, Gerard carefully folded it and put it in his pocket. "Will do."

"So what about you, you got an office job? As much as it's stressful as fuck knowing that we live and die on my business alone, at least the only person I need to deal with is me when I need to take care of my sick baby," Frank said. "I've heard too many horror stories about bosses in just two of these meetings."

Gerard nodded. "Yeah, it's fucking awful. It's like everyone thinks there's a spouse at home who can take care of everything. Totally ignores parents who are doing it on their own or if both parents work and don't have the luxury of a nanny. But no, uh, I'm a writer. Make my own hours."

He tried not to preen inwardly at the interest on Frank's face. "What do you write?"

"Children's books. I got seriously lucky, my second one got optioned by Nickelodeon eight years ago, so I'm not exactly a starving artist." He waited for the question.

"No way! Which show?"

Gerard closed his eyes. "Monster Pup and Friends." When he heard Frank snort he opened his eyes and sighed. "Yeah yeah, I know, don't tell me, you used to smoke up and watch that."

"Who said anything about 'used to'?" Frank spread out his hands. "I gave up tobacco, not pot. The first time Ellie stays over at my mom's, I know what I'm doing."

"Well, I'm glad my children's book characters can entertain you," Gerard said.

"And I appreciate that. Shit, I'll have to order a copy of it from Amazon, I want to read it now." The genuine enthusiasm in Frank's voice settled low in Gerard's belly, a warmth and satisfaction Gerard couldn't ignore.

"Hey, no, you don't have to do that. I'll bring you a copy at the next meeting," Gerard said, moving closer to Frank and then stopping abruptly, not wanting to seem overeager. He could be a bit much for some people, he knew. "I've got plenty of them at home."

"You sure?" Frank said, his eyes locked on Gerard's.

Gerard swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. It'll be good to get Ellie started young, you know. Build up the collection."

Frank laughed. "Her bookcase is already ridiculous, but there's always room for more." He brushed over the top of his short hair with his hand, and Gerard felt almost hypnotized watching the motion. "Thanks," Frank said, softer. 

"I'm always happy to have a new fan," Gerard said. Especially one with a father as cute as Frank. 

//

Gerard checked and rechecked his bag before leaving for the meeting, making sure that _The Adventures of Monster Pup_ was in there.

He knew it didn't really matter, that if he had forgotten or whatever he could just bring it the next time. But he wanted to show Frank that even with the Swiss cheese brain memory of a parent, he hadn't forgotten what he'd promised Frank.

His phone buzzed as he was walking out the door, and when he checked it, there was a text from Frank.

_Don't forget my book._

Gerard smiled as he tapped out a quick answer. _Already in my bag._

When he walked into the basement of the community center, he saw Frank near the coffee table talking with Lauren. Frank's hands were waving through the air as he told a story, pushing up the sleeves of his blue sweater and showing off his tattoos there. Standing next to the rather statuesque Lauren, Frank looked like a kid who was playing dress up and had had fun with the washable markers, between the ink covering his arms and the black scribbles on the sides of his Chucks. 

Gerard made himself stop staring and walked over to them, pouring himself a large cup of coffee. "I can't drink caffeine after 4 p.m. and get to sleep at night, I don't know how you do it," Lauren said as Gerard added the creamer and sugar. 

"I get my best work done at night, it's a necessary evil," Gerard said, closing his eyes as he took the first sip.

"Yeah, I can tell from your expression that you hate having to drink it," Frank said. "Hey, where's my book? I've been waiting two weeks to be able to read it to Ellie."

"Oh!" Gerard put down the coffee carelessly, a little of the liquid sloshing over the side, and swung his bag off of his shoulder, digging through it to find the copy. "Here it is."

"So I see you've met our local celebrity author," Lauren said, leaning over Frank's shoulder as he flipped through the pages. 

"I'm not exactly a celebrity," Gerard demurred.

She flapped her hand at him. "For the under-5 set you are." Gerard shrugged, and Lauren turned to Frank. "You should see him read his own stuff to the kids, it's an epic performance."

"I'll bet," Frank said, closing the book again and staring intently at the cover for a moment before looking up at Gerard. "You didn't tell me you illustrated it too, dude."

Gerard flushed, just barely keeping himself from swaying back and forth from the attention. "Yeah, that's actually what I went to school for. The storytelling part of it was kind of an unexpected bonus."

"That's fucking awesome," Frank said, moving closer to Gerard when Lauren saw someone across the room and walked away. "Worked out well for you, huh."

"Yeah, it really did." Gerard swallowed hard and shrugged his way out of his jacket, the room suddenly too hot. "It's finally getting warm out."

Frank nodded as if Gerard had said something fascinating rather than just a remark about the weather. "Yeah, I'm gonna take out Ellie for a walk to the playground on Ridgedale this Saturday if the weather holds up, I think."

"That's Julian's favorite playground, he loves it there," Gerard said, his voice suddenly a bit too loud for the room. He pushed back his hair out of his face with his hand, trying not to fidget. He wasn't particularly successful. 

"You should both come with us then," Frank said. "I mean, if you're free."

Gerard picked up the coffee, taking a large gulp before answering. "Yeah, maybe around two?"

Frank's smile was blinding. "Two it is."

//

"—And that's why the dragon needed to hide," Julian finished explaining, his hand in Gerard's the only thing preventing him from twirling all the way around as he told the story.

"I see," Gerard said, keeping an eye out for Frank and Ellie as they entered the playground through the chain link gate. "But what about the goose?"

Julian knocked his head again Gerard's forearm. "Dad, the goose doesn't need to hide. That would be _silly._ "

His tone was one of long-suffering indulgence at having to explain such an obvious fact to his father. It wasn't always easy, but Gerard had learned after long practice that betraying his amusement at Julian's pronouncements would not result in a happy child.

Before he could figure out how to convince his son that he wasn't an idiot and completely understood why a goose would feel unthreatened by a bear, he spotted Frank. He waved and smiled when Frank saw them, leading Julian over to their corner of the playground.

"Come on, you're going to meet a new friend of mine and his baby," Gerard told Julian.

"Okay," Julian said, momentarily distracted from the pressing matter of the bear and the goose.

"Hi," Frank said once they reached the bench where he was standing, Ellie still in her stroller. Gerard was about to introduce him to Julian when Frank beat him to it, hunching over his knees so he was closer to eye level. "You must be Julian. I'm Mr. Iero."

Julian took his hand, face perplexed. "That's a funny name."

"Julian—" Gerard started, but Frank talked over him as he squatted down.

"It is a pretty funny name, but I know a good way to remember it. You wanna see?" When Julian nodded, Frank pointed at his own right eye, his left eye squeezed shut. "It's eye," he said, drawing out the word before reaching out and gently tugging on Julian's earlobe. "Ear," he continued, and Julian scrunched up his shoulder to his ear, trapping Frank's hand there as he giggled a little. "Oh!" Frank finished, throwing his arms out and opening his eyes and mouth wide.

Julian laughed loudly, covering his mouth with both hands. "That's even sillier!"

"Oh," Frank said, shrugging. "Then you'd better just call me Frank." He looked up at Gerard as he said it, and Gerard nodded back. Julian already had about a dozen unofficial uncles and aunts he called by their first names; Gerard didn't exactly object to Frank being added to that list.

The introductions therefore concluded as far as Julian was concerned, he tugged on Gerard's jacket. "Dad, I'm going to go tell an adventure."

Gerard nodded and ruffled his hair. "Okay. Just remember, no leaving this area." Julian's head moved under his hand as he nodded and then he was off, skipping over to the see-saws about twenty feet away and then heading towards the jungle gym near them and back again.

Frank watched him go for a moment before turning back to Gerard. "He's quite the talker."

"Yeah, I don't know where he gets it from," Gerard said, smirking at his own joke. He walked over to stroller and crouched down, resting both arms on his knees as he looked at Ellie.

She gazed back at him solemnly, her brown eyes sleepy under the green frog knit cap on her head. "Hi, Ellie. You look very nice in green. Did your daddy pick that out?" He nodded as if she had spoken. "Yeah, I agree, it's very cool." Her face was a bit flushed, the pink spreading out over her cheeks, and she raised her fists up and rubbed them against her head. 

Twisting around, he looked up at Frank. "A hat and a parka?"

"It's important for babies to maintain their body heat," Frank said. "And it's cooler than normal for this time of year." Gerard looked back at Ellie, who was squirming around in her seat, her face red. She looked about a second away from a good cry.

"Frank, it's sixty-five degrees right now," Gerard pointed out. "Is she wearing a sweater or something underneath?" 

Frank looked almost insulted. "Of course."

"Then maybe she can ditch the parka? But not the hat," Gerard bartered when he saw that Frank was about to argue. "She won't be cold, I promise."

Frank sighed and uncrossed his arms as he walked to the other side of the stroller and began unbuckling the straps. "Fine," he said, and Gerard looked over to watch Julian hop back and forth in a slightly wavy line between the jungle gym and the see-saw.

He stood up when Frank lifted Ellie out of the carriage, grinning at the sweater that proclaimed her _Daddy's Little Hellion_. Gerard made grabby hands at her until Frank swung her over into Gerard's arms, not letting go completely until she was secure against Gerard's hip, hand brushing over Gerard's back for a moment.

"Hi, baby," Gerard said softly into her hat, breathing in that soft scent that only little kids have. She was already calmer now that she was out of her stroller and was down to only two layers, her fist locking tight into the back of Gerard's shirt.

"It's obvious where Julian got such an extensive vocabulary," Frank said.

"I could explain why David Bowie will never be equalled, if you'd prefer."

Frank shook his head. "She needs a solid grounding in the classics before we can introduce her to the upper levels." Gerard swayed with her on his hip, her head settling in against his shoulder.

"She seems pretty sleepy," he said.

Frank smiled and reached out to stroke over the back of her hand with a finger. "It takes her a while to fully wake up after she sleeps in the stroller. Give her another ten minutes and she'll demand all of your attention." They watched Julian together as he narrowly avoided running into other kids, never breaking his stride. "So he's telling adventures?"

"Yup." Gerard tried to figure out how best to explain it. "He plays a lot with kids at his pre-school, but when it's just the two of us, he likes to tell himself stories and act out all the parts. He just doesn't have a younger brother to draft into the roles he doesn't want to play, like I did." Gerard watched as Julian skipped across the weirdly bouncy playground surface from one apparatus to the next, arms swinging and mouth moving constantly, speaking too quietly for Gerard to hear. "But he'll tell me what today's adventure was about later."

"That's pretty cool," Frank said. "A natural storyteller, just like his dad, huh?"

Gerard flushed a little. "Yeah, I guess." Ellie smacked her hand down on Gerard's shoulder, and when he looked at her, her eyes were bright and focused. "So I guess you want some attention now, huh?"

He wasn't surprised that Ellie demanded just as much attention from Gerard as her dad did.

//

Three days after the playground excursion, Frank emailed Gerard thanking him for the day care recommendation and inviting him over for dinner.

_I'd say we should go out to a bar and I'd buy you a drink in thanks, but given the military operation that would require, this seems like the better option. Julian is of course invited as well; let me know what's on his current Will Not Eat Under Any Circumstances list._

Gerard waited an hour and a half before responding, trying to decide how best to respond to this invitation. It felt like a date; a date with kids as chaperones, to be sure, but Gerard had never offered to take out another parent in return for a bit of guidance. And the prospect of a dinner with a friend didn't usually give him butterflies in his stomach.

He finally thought, _fuck it,_ and went all in.

_Dinner sounds great. As for Julian, his current list of unacceptable food is so vast at the moment it's hard to know what to suggest. He's actually got a sleepover at his grandparents' house planned for next weekend; if you don't object to him not being there, we could do Saturday night?_

Frank's response was impressively prompt, arriving fifteen minutes after Gerard had hit send.

 _Saturday it is. See you at 7. Feel free to bring something, if you'd like._

//

Gerard rang Frank's doorbell and wiped his sweaty palm against his thigh. He heard a low howl and then a sharp high yipping joined it, Frank's voice carrying over both dogs and growing louder until he opened the door.

Frank and Ellie both looked out at Gerard, Ellie secure in a front-facing Baby Bjorn strapped to Frank's torso. She studied Gerard for a moment before breaking into a grin and reaching her hands out towards him.

"Ellie wants you to come in," Frank said, his grin matching his daughter's. It was difficult not to search for the resemblance between the two of them, even knowing that they didn't share any genetics. But Ellie was already so clearly Frank's daughter, to Gerard. They both just made him want to smile all the time. 

He followed them into the house as Frank backed up, herding the dogs away from the open door with his foot. "I brought bread," Gerard said unnecessarily, waving around the fresh loaf he was holding in his hand. 

"Great, you can just bring it into the kitchen," Frank told him, walking down the hall towards the back of the house. It was a split-level, stairs leading up to the floor over the garage to Gerard's right as he followed Frank. 

"That smells great," Gerard said. "Lasagna?"

Frank nodded. "Yeah, hope you like eggplant. I'm a vegetarian, probably should have mentioned."

Gerard put the bread down onto the counter next to the stove. "No, that's fine. I'm a friend of vegetables." One of the dogs bumped into Gerard's ankle, and he leaned down to pet it briefly before standing back up. "So these are the famous dogs of the house. I'm pretty sure half the parents just come to meetings to hear your stories about them at this point." He walked a little closer to Frank and tugged gently on Ellie's socked foot with his hand. She kicked out and clapped her hands, and he grabbed ahold of both of her feet, making a funny face at her when she laughed.

"Yeah, sorry, I can put them in the basement if they're in the way," Frank said, his voice suddenly right in Gerard's ear. Frank's closeness shouldn't have surprised Gerard, but it still felt overwhelming and significant, the awareness that it would take only the slightest movement for Gerard to touch his face or kiss him impossible to ignore. Instead, Gerard gave Ellie's feet one last squeeze and let go, stepping back a bit when he did. 

"Nah, let them stay up here, they're fine," Gerard said lightly, not wanting to break the intimacy of the moment but feeling a bit awkward with Frank's daughter literally between them. 

Frank seemed to feel the shift, stepping back and pulling two glasses out of the cupboard above. "Want something to drink?" 

"Water would be great," Gerard said. Frank filled them both from the tap and handed a glass to Gerard, his free hand coming back to rest over his daughter's belly, holding her firm against his chest even through the Baby Bjorn. 

"I should get her upstairs," Frank said. "I fed her about an hour ago, and she's probably just about ready to go down. You can hang out down here if you want—if the timer goes, just take it out of the oven, it should be ready." 

"Okay," Gerard said, bending over a bit until he was eye level with Ellie. "Good night, Ellie. Don't give your dad too much trouble."

"Fat chance of that," Frank said, both hands now holding Ellie against him. 

Gerard wandered out into the living room, looking over photographs of Frank with a woman with big blonde hair, and others of him and two older men who must be related to Frank, from their grins. The mantle was covered with pictures of Ellie, alone and also being held by an assortment of people, and a large one of her in the arms of a scrubs-clad Frank when she must have been less than a day old, her skin still red and mottled. 

A yawn threatened to overtake him, and he headed back into the kitchen in search of caffeine. The lack of Coke or anything like it in the fridge sent him hunting for coffee grounds for the rather nice coffee maker on the counter, but a cursory search didn't uncover anything. He stepped over the dog gate at the foot of the stairs and climbed them as quietly as he could, following the slight murmur of Frank's voice down the hall.

He pushed open the cracked door at the end of the hall just enough to see Frank holding Ellie in his arms, swaying back and forth in place as he sang, his voice low and a little gruff.

_I don't know what other people see  
or what they think is love  
But I know what it means to me_

The punk melody was softened and drawn out, transformed into a lullaby, and Gerard watched from the hall as Frank lowered Ellie into her crib so slowly as he sang, finally pulling his arms out from beneath her and moving away. It was captivating, special and quiet and utterly normal all at once, and Gerard was so completely transfixed he didn't bother to move away from the door, allowing Frank to find him in the hall when he came out.

"What's up?" Frank whispered.

Gerard shook his head. "Nothing, I was just looking for coffee grounds," he said quietly, not wanting to break the spell. "Sorry, it could have waited."

Frank touched him on the shoulder, letting his hand drag down to Gerard's forearm and squeezing him there for a second before letting go. "It's fine, come on, I'll get it." 

Gerard followed him down the hallway and the half-stairs, their footsteps light and steady on the carpet. Frank walked over to the stove and pulled open the cupboard above, taking out a container that Gerard had somehow missed when he searched. "How many cups should I make?"

"That depends, how many are you going to want?" Gerard answered.

Frank scrunched up his face as he thought. "I think eight between the two of us should be enough?" 

"That's probably safe," Gerard said just as the over timer chimed.

"Hey, great, can you take that out and put it on the table? It'll need to cool a bit before we can eat it, so the coffee will be ready just in time."

Gerard grabbed the potholders and got the lasagna out into the dining room, carefully putting it down on the hot pads already on the table. There were just two places set, not across from each other but at one corner of the table together, and Gerard looked over the table and thought about the night and walked back into the kitchen.

"You want to cut up some of the bread?" Frank asked, but Gerard ignored his question in favor of kissing Frank lightly on the lips, one hand brushing over the side of Frank's face. 

When he pulled away, Frank was gazing up at him, his expression soft and a bit nervous. "I didn't think I was reading this wrong."

"I'm not all that subtle," Gerard agreed.

"Well, the fact that you have a son made it a little harder to figure out," Frank said, leaning in slightly to kiss Gerard this time.

Gerard reached up to cup Frank's face as they kissed again, the tips of his fingers brushing against Frank's hair, thumbs sweeping over his eyebrows and then down to his cheeks. Frank moved with his hands, his mouth open and sweet against Gerard's. It was like standing on the side of a cliff, looking down and imagining the freefall, his entire body thrumming with anticipation and nerves. He broke away for a moment. "Look, bisexuality exists, okay," he said, trying to pull back just a little from the feelings threatening to overtake him.

"Obviously," Frank said, his voice already breathy, and Gerard kissed him again, sliding his tongue into Frank's mouth. He dragged his hands up and down Frank's back, pulling him closer as Frank gripped the front of his shirt.

When Frank broke away and worked his way over to Gerard's jaw and neck, kissing and licking him there, Gerard gasped, pressing his body up against Frank's. "Haven't really dated anyone since before Julian though, so it felt pretty theoretical."

Frank nodded against his throat before pulling back, his eyes locking with Gerard's, expression serious. "I don't really do casual," he said, hands playing over Gerard's shoulders. "I was a serial monogamist even before Ellie, and now—"

"—it would take even more?" Gerard asked. When Frank nodded, Gerard bent down enough to kiss him again softly. "I'm not really interested in casual either." He made himself take one step back from Frank, just to clear his head. He searched Frank's face, like he would find the answer there, almost surprising himself when he actually did. "I like you, and I like your daughter, and I think you like me and Julian, and that's enough for a beginning for me. I get who the most important person in your life is."

Gerard's heart was pounding as he waited for Frank to speak, studying his face, the way Frank was biting his lower lip. He forced himself to wait, to not keep talking, or worse, try to convince Frank. Holding himself still when Frank took a step closer to him, running a slow hand up his arm to his face, was much harder, but he somehow managed. "I think you're worth the risk," Frank said, fingers soft in Gerard's hair.

"Yeah?" Gerard asked quietly, and Frank nodded, stepping in even closer.

"Yeah. Oh, fuck it," Frank said, chasing down Gerard's mouth with his own and wrapping his arms around Gerard's neck. "You'd better be worth it," he mumbled against Gerard's mouth, pushing Gerard out of the kitchen and towards the stairs, the mood suddenly shifting into high gear.

Gerard stumbled backwards, hands clutching at Frank for balance and something more. "I'll do my best. Dinner?" he asked, even as he got both hands around Frank's ass and ground against him.

Frank shook his head. "Later, okay?" he said, and Gerard nodded and tried to kiss Frank again at the same time. Frank pushed him away a little and turned to head up the stairs, grabbing Gerard's hand. He pulled them into the first door on the right and tugged Gerard down on top of him on the bed. 

"Oh, okay, yeah, that's," Gerard gasped out, his brain trying to catch up with this moment progressing from being something that was theoretical and nice to being something _right now_ and completely overwhelming, Frank's mouth hot against his throat and hands everywhere.

Gerard's hands were clumsy as he pawed at Frank's shirt, trying to get to more skin as quickly as possible. He tugged his own shirt off, eager to get close to Frank again. Gerard couldn't help but run his hands all over Frank's arms and chest and belly, his eyes tracing the patterns of color and stark black lines all over his skin. There would be time later for him to really study them, figure out how they interlocked and ask Frank what they meant, but for now he just had to get his mouth back on Frank's. 

Kissing Frank was addictive now that he'd started, his mouth hot and wet and soft, and Gerard was grinding down against Frank's thigh without any conscious input from his brain, just needing to get closer to him. He dragged his mouth away from Frank's and licked up the side of his throat, biting down under his right ear. Frank's choked-off gasp made him do it again, harder.

"What do you like?" he whispered, his hands wandering down Frank's sides and getting under his ass, pulling him up against Gerard's body. "Tell me."

"Oh, fuck," Frank panted. "I uh, I'm pretty good with anything, I'm kind of easy."

Gerard laughed against Frank's throat before kissing him there. "Good to know, but that's not what I asked. What do you _like?_ " He sat up a little, unbuckling Frank's pants and tugging them down over his hard dick before cupping him through his briefs. 

"That," Frank said immediately. "Yeah, that."

"Anything else?" Gerard asked, sweeping his other hand over Frank's stomach before leaning down and biting the soft flesh just below his belly button. 

"That's pretty good too," Frank said, his voice still admirably steady. Gerard smiled against his skin before he pulled the elastic of Frank's briefs away from his skin and ran his tongue along the red marks on Frank's belly. He felt as much as heard Frank's sharp inhale at the touch of his tongue, and he bent down further and kissed the head of Frank's cock. 

"Oh fuck, please, Gerard," Frank breathed out, voice wobbly. His hand gripped Gerard's hair tight, and Gerard pulled against it just enough to be able to take Frank down, letting his dick slide a few inches into his mouth. He hummed at the taste of it, the way Frank was already leaking and dripping down his cock along with Gerard's spit. Gerard's hand slid easily on the shaft as he sucked and licked over the head, not meaning to tease, just needing to really enjoy it after so long. 

Frank didn't seem to appreciate his measured approach. "Oh Jesus, please just suck me, Gerard, come on, stop fucking around, Christ."

Gerard pulled off completely, kissing Frank's hip when he groaned in the back of his throat. "What do you want, Frank?"

"I want you to fuck me," Frank said, his voice already so desperate that Gerard had to let go of Frank's cock to press his palm against his own dick. "Do you— Is that—?"

"Yeah, yeah, that, yeah, Frankie, fuck," Gerard babbled, trying to get his pants undone and off as fast as possible while Frank rolled over to the edge of the bed and opened up his side table drawer. By the time Gerard had managed to get his stupidly tight jeans and underwear and socks off, Frank was completely naked, legs spread and condoms and lube next to him. "Fuck, Frank."

"Come on, Gerard," Frank said, running his hands up his thighs and up over his stomach. His dick leaking and the pool of arousal in Gerard's belly flaring higher at the sight, Gerard wanted to say that he really didn't need to attempt to seduce Gerard, he was already fucking ready. But instead he climbed up over Frank and kissed him, grinding his cock against Frank's and slipping his tongue into his mouth. Frank's legs came up and locked around Gerard's hips, and Gerard broke the kiss and dipped his head against Frank's neck, gasping at how good the friction felt.

"Okay, okay, I gotta, yeah," Gerard said, pulling back again to get the condom on. He watched as Frank snapped open the bottle of lube and poured some in his hand, slicking it onto Gerard's cock once the condom was on. Gerard pressed forward into his touch and groaned, Frank's hands perfect and tight around him. And then Frank pulled his left thigh up against his chest and pressed his fingers inside, opening himself up for Gerard, and Gerard had to squeeze the bottom of his cock hard at the sight. "Jesus fucking _Christ._ "

Frank grinned up at him, his face going lax when he pushed his fingers in further, and Gerard bent up over him and kissed Frank, mouths open and wet and Frank gasping against his lips. Frank had one hand in Gerard's hair and then the other came around to pull Gerard's ass down against him. "Yeah, come on and fuck me, Gerard, _please._ "

Gerard nodded and pulled back enough to get his hand around his cock and press it up against Frank's ass, slowly letting gravity do the work as he pushed inside, Frank hot and tight around him. He tugged Frank's legs higher around his body, shuddering when he finally felt his balls up against Frank's ass. Holding still for a moment, Gerard got his arms up around Frank's shoulders, kissing him again before pulling out a little and thrusting back inside. 

"Oh, fuck," he groaned loudly, and Frank slapped Gerard's back as his hips flexed forward, fucking Frank with short hard thrusts.

"Shut up, if you wake the baby I'll fucking kill you," Frank gasped into Gerard's ear, his voice ragged.

"Sorry, sorry," Gerard mumbled against Frank's throat, biting down against his lower lip to keep himself from crying out again. He heard Frank's muffled cries in response, a low moan he broke off when Gerard changed the angle just slightly, and Gerard tucked his face closer to Frank's neck as he fucked Frank hard.

The force of his thrusts pushed them up into the headboard, and Gerard pressed one hand up against it to keep Frank's head from hitting it, not willing to stop for even one second to reposition them on the bed. He just had to keep fucking Frank, keep feeling the hot clutch of his body around him, the sweat and heat of their bodies sliding against each other. He let out a strangled groan when Frank raked his short nails up Gerard's back, whispering, "I know, I know," before Frank could threaten him again.

Frank didn't seem to be paying attention to how loud Gerard was at this point though, his hand between them moving fast over his dick and mouth hot and tight against Gerard's shoulder. He gasped and shuddered every time Gerard thrust into him, reaching up his other hand to attempt to brace himself against the headboard, his hand sliding against the surface. Gerard felt the rush of Frank's breaths against his skin intensify suddenly just before Frank shuddered beneath him, his body clamping down around Gerard's dick as he came, panting against Gerard's ear. 

"Oh, fuck, Frank," Gerard moaned, and Frank's head relaxed back against the bed as Gerard fucked him faster and faster, not able to hold it back any longer. His entire body tensed up when he came, hips slamming against Frank's body, the wet slap of skin-on-skin loud and obscene in Gerard's ears. He muffled his cries against Frank's neck, one hand twisting and pulling on the sheets as he rode out his orgasm.

Frank's hands stroked over his back lazily as Gerard panted and tried to get his breath back. When Frank finally lowered his legs down, Gerard reluctantly pulled out, flopping over onto his back and peeling off the condom. He looked to his left for a trash can but didn't see one, and so he turned back to Frank hopefully. 

Frank snorted and then reached out for the used condom, tying it off and tossing it somewhere across the room before curling up against Gerard's side. Gerard kissed the top of his head; this was a man after his own heart. "Good choice."

"What, throwing away the condom or getting fucked?" Frank asked. He looked deliciously fucked out, face relaxed in a completely different way than he had been earlier that evening, the satisfaction apparent in his eyes.

Gerard stroked over Frank's cheek with his fingers before tracing over his nose, his lips, his chin. "Both."

Frank kissed Gerard's fingers and closed his eyes. Gerard followed suit.

He had no idea how long they'd been asleep for when he was suddenly jolted awake by the opening guitar riff of "Mother" by Danzig. "It's my mom," he hurried to explain, the sound loud and intrusive, and Frank kissed him briefly before moving his head so Gerard could get up to hunt for his pants. He got his phone out of his pocket just in time to answer. "Hey Mom, how are things going?" He climbed back onto the bed, Frank flopping back down onto his chest and sighing deeply. "Okay. Yeah, I'm having a good weekend," he said, kissing Frank's forehead. "Julian have a good day?"

A wail came from down the hall; Gerard smiled at him apologetically when Frank groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face before sitting up. Gerard tugged him down for one more kiss before letting him go deal with Ellie. He would have to make that up to Frank later. "Yeah, Mom. Everything's just fine." 

//

Neither one of them wanted to give up their bi-weekly Thursday plans. But it was hard to argue that they still belonged at SPST meetings when Frank would roll over and smush his face against Gerard's shoulder before mumbling, "Your turn," if Ellie started to scream at 4 a.m.

Half-asleep, Gerard would practically fall out of the bed and make his way to their daughter's room, ready to deal with whatever catastrophe lay in wait this night. It had been a while since he'd had to deal with two-year-old angst.

He would take the trade.


End file.
